just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize