Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
