the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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