I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
