Non-Jews are for practice
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
