How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
