Do you still have your period?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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