i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
