I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
