since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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