dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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