Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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