well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
