So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
