Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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