Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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