You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
