come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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