Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
