If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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