I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
