so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
