I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
