Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
