If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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