oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
