was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
