you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
