shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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