I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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