Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
