soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
