My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
