can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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