My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
