Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
