my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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