I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
