Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
