Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
