it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
