what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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