I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
