he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
