kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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