I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
