we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
