come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
