i think my tv is drunk
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
