Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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