you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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