you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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