dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
