he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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