some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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