I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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