i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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