look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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