all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
