I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
