:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
