WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
