i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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