At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
