Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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