Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize