I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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