I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
