to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
