WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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