Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
