Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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