4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize