So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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