I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
