Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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