I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize